Dang, I really needed to read this! I love that you shared a boundary with you mom. one time my mom told me my face looked TOO round in a photo I shared to show a trip to nyc my partner and I took…I was pissed at this and I guess her form of backtracking was to say she meant I looked “happy.” So for Christmas that year I photoshopped a photo of her making her head a big round bubble with the card greeting saying something like, “hope you have a very HAPPY new year!” I don’t think she got the joke 😂. Anyway, thanks for showing what’s possible in an Asian mom-daughter relationship.
I feel so seen. My husband and I bought a lake house that my mom has no idea that I have, even though all of our friends and my husband’s family know about it (many have even been to it). At our wedding, I had to tell all of my (white) in laws not to mention it and they were so confused. 😂
Also I hope I never die while I’m abroad, because she never knows when I’m on a trip and never will. Because I do not need to hear as a grown mid thirties woman that I “wan tai fong le”…
Loved listening to this Jenny. I’m so glad you were able to feel seen and speak up and be yourself. Abe helped do that for me too but I think I have taken that for granted since we have 27 years together. Thanks for the reminder.
Love these posts! Traveling can be so powerful!! It makes me so happy to hear about this trip with your mama and amazing partner. So happy you found each other…Can also definitely relate to this one and it’s a lifelong journey. I’ve learned I might not be able to change the hypercriticism but I have a choice about internalizing it and speaking up. Due to a lot of self-work and therapy, I now acknowledge and try to empathize the trauma that made her that way while ALSO setting the boundaries I need to remain sane and healthy in mind, body, and spirit.
I LOVE that you are able to share more with your mom now. I'm so happy to see these pictures of Mama Yang enjoying cocktails and finally having some fun. I never could have imagined her drinking a cocktail, as she was the most traditional Asian mom I knew growing up. Kudos to you and Corey for helping her let loose, and to you for setting boundaries and stepping back to understand your mom's perspective so you can have better communication. I have some work to do with my mother-daughter communication, too. :)
I totally relate to this! Although I have a family now, my mom still finds the energy to nitpick about everything when she visits. Thanks for the insight that my mom does this as a way to show she cares, but I just have to take a deep breath and remember that even with all the criticism, I would miss her if she wasn't around, that she shows me in other, less annoying ways (examples escape me right now). But I can't tell her that I'm desperately unhappy at my job or that I wish I had more time to hang with friends. I can't tell her what I wish I could be doing instead of the dead end job with a terrible supervisor situation I'm in now.
Dang, I really needed to read this! I love that you shared a boundary with you mom. one time my mom told me my face looked TOO round in a photo I shared to show a trip to nyc my partner and I took…I was pissed at this and I guess her form of backtracking was to say she meant I looked “happy.” So for Christmas that year I photoshopped a photo of her making her head a big round bubble with the card greeting saying something like, “hope you have a very HAPPY new year!” I don’t think she got the joke 😂. Anyway, thanks for showing what’s possible in an Asian mom-daughter relationship.
I feel so seen. My husband and I bought a lake house that my mom has no idea that I have, even though all of our friends and my husband’s family know about it (many have even been to it). At our wedding, I had to tell all of my (white) in laws not to mention it and they were so confused. 😂
Also I hope I never die while I’m abroad, because she never knows when I’m on a trip and never will. Because I do not need to hear as a grown mid thirties woman that I “wan tai fong le”…
Loved listening to this Jenny. I’m so glad you were able to feel seen and speak up and be yourself. Abe helped do that for me too but I think I have taken that for granted since we have 27 years together. Thanks for the reminder.
Love these posts! Traveling can be so powerful!! It makes me so happy to hear about this trip with your mama and amazing partner. So happy you found each other…Can also definitely relate to this one and it’s a lifelong journey. I’ve learned I might not be able to change the hypercriticism but I have a choice about internalizing it and speaking up. Due to a lot of self-work and therapy, I now acknowledge and try to empathize the trauma that made her that way while ALSO setting the boundaries I need to remain sane and healthy in mind, body, and spirit.
I LOVE that you are able to share more with your mom now. I'm so happy to see these pictures of Mama Yang enjoying cocktails and finally having some fun. I never could have imagined her drinking a cocktail, as she was the most traditional Asian mom I knew growing up. Kudos to you and Corey for helping her let loose, and to you for setting boundaries and stepping back to understand your mom's perspective so you can have better communication. I have some work to do with my mother-daughter communication, too. :)
I totally relate to this! Although I have a family now, my mom still finds the energy to nitpick about everything when she visits. Thanks for the insight that my mom does this as a way to show she cares, but I just have to take a deep breath and remember that even with all the criticism, I would miss her if she wasn't around, that she shows me in other, less annoying ways (examples escape me right now). But I can't tell her that I'm desperately unhappy at my job or that I wish I had more time to hang with friends. I can't tell her what I wish I could be doing instead of the dead end job with a terrible supervisor situation I'm in now.