does mahjong...heal?

I video-called Mom and caught her playing mahjong with friends for the first time since like a decade and it made me so happy.

i can just hear the sounds of the tile “washing” from this photo. Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

She was holding the phone with her left hand perfectly trained on her own smiling face while still pushing out tiles with her right hand. I was like um excuuuuse me? Smiles? Mahjong?

just to give you an idea. this is a screenshot of our typical video chats. this is where my mom typically sits: in her ikea armchair in the living room. her energy is much lighter these days.

You gotta understand. For the last decade, the reality show I saw from my mom’s video calls was just painful cycles of venting about my old ass dad. She’d either be inconsolable about his tantrums and health scares, or seated in her ikea armchair zoning out to Korean, Chinese and Taiwanese dramas.

That all changed when my dad died last November. No more panicked phone or video calls from my mom asking for help with dad’s angry fits. My whole family has been wondering, how will mom live her post-Dad life? 

So to see my mom doing something other than caring for or worrying about my dad, brought tears to my eyes.

The chaos of the mahjong tiles being “washed” was deafening. I yelled, looks like you’re having fun, mom! I’ll let you go and play! Don’t worry. Just wanted to call and say hi. 

I ended the call and sighed. Wow. A nice little milestone in the Yang Family grief process.

The next day I texted her. Hey, mom! How was playing mahjong for you? You haven’t done it in forever! Then I threw in a smattering of emoji love and enthusiasm.

This was her reply. You can try to read it and decipher it for yourself but you will fail.

So let me give you the real translation: “I’m playing with Auntie Yang (no relation), her husband and another person. The combined age of all four of us is 329 years old! What kind of mahjong do you think we are able to play? You think we can play fast mahjong for a long time? But your uncle (my mom’s brother) said that if I don’t play mahjong, my brain will atrophy. So I still go. I really can’t stand that they play like this! I’m here by myself waiting FOREVER for three people to play their hands. Every day I’m only winning or losing two dollars. Right now I want to win at least two more dollars so I won’t be down two dollars anymore.”

MY MOM HATES PLAYING SLOW-ASS MAHJONG WITH OLD PEOPLE HER TEXT HAD ME ROLLING.

That’s it. That’s the dead dad grief update. I love my mom so much. And the more I reflect on how she talks I’m finally understanding how much she has made me the funny person I get to be today. I said how was playing mahjong, mom? And she said the combined age of all four of us is 329 years old what do you think? LMAO.

Deep down I used to secretly wish my mom would stand up more to my dad. Growing up I had cast her in my mind only as this codependent introvert who repressed her personality for the needs of her husband and the family. How I underestimated her. I love you mom. I know I will never be able to fully comprehend how much my mom has sacrificed of herself so that I could live the life of my dreams today.

everything’s fine with Jenny Yang is your weekly reminder to find joy in an unjust world. jenny’s thoughts and stories about love, grief, weird shit, and doing what we can to feel okay. this thing may morph into something else. who knows? i hope to touch your heart and tickle your sphincters. and if you like it, please share this with a friend and subscribe and comment. <3 jenny (insta, twitter)